Those unfamiliar with owning a cat might think that having one is just that – another living being occupying the same house as you. They might also think the same about dogs, and that you’d be the one implementing house rules for your furry friend, which, my friends, is an absolute lie. You’re never the one to impose rules on a cat, and it is always vice versa; it’s cat house rules, not yours! And if you’re thinking that we’re pulling your leg here, just take a look at the stories of pet cats ruling these Redditors’ households – not only are the submissions in this AskReddit thread worthy of being called comedy gold, but they are also the truth and nothing but.
If you’re still dubious that a cat rules the house if given a chance, here are a couple of real-life examples. Say you’re used to keeping your clothes on that one chair we all have designated for the ‘might use it again’ pile. Now, your cat also thinks that it’s their favorite chair to chill out on. You battle for it for a while – you might even offer another perfectly fine chair for it to lounge on – but then you realize it isn’t you who decides on house rules for cats, but rather the cat who decides house rules for you, and you just give up. And that’s just a very basic example! Cats are much more elaborate with their plans to rule your household, and they always, always win, the little tyrants.
Right-o, ready for one heck of an adventure reading these people’s confessions of cats becoming their overlords? Once you’re through with it, you’ll definitely understand the real meaning behind the ‘my house, my cat, my rules’ saying. And if these fun yet kinda threatening stories from this Reddit thread don’t make you want a cat less than before, you’re definitely good for adopting one!
#1
“Usually, by 10 pm I’m in bed, where I watch TV for an hour or so before I sleep. 10 pm is cat cuddle time.
If I am not in my room by 10 pm then everyone gets a lecture from my old tom cat. If I’m not home, my husband will be yelled at.
No one can touch the cat but me (I think his previous owner must have been abusive) and he is obsessed with me. Huge old tom that acts more like a dog than a cat. He has huge PTSD eyes, so he is always looking at you with an expression that says ‘I’ve seen some s*it. Now pet me.'”
Opandemonium , imgur.com Report
531points 
Hugh Cookson Hugh Cookson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Well done you for taking him on. ‘Difficult’ cats or dogs are ultimately much more rewarding than ‘normal’ pets.
159 159points reply View More Replies… #2
“They must sit as close to my face as possible, preferably on my face. My inability to breathe is my problem.”
TeikaDunmora , FatCat45 Report
447points 
Pernille. Pernille. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) Report
Get a snorkel, because our cat overlords cannot be inconvenienced by your need to breathe.
159 159points reply View More Replies… #3
“Leave the door open, you don’t need privacy in the toilet.”
BloodAngel85 replied:
“I have 3 cats and a dog, I don’t even bother closing the door anymore.”
Persiandude73 , Madalyn Cox Report
398points 
CAT /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ QUEEN CAT /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ QUEEN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
we need to see you to make sure you don’t pull a elvis…consider it a favor :3
81 81points reply View More Replies… #4
“Bed making will always include at least one cat jumping on the bed to ‘help’.
Honkey_Cat , EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA Report
371points 
Francine Govan Francine Govan Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Well DUH … bed making is not a chore, hooman … it’s a game that must be played!
86 86points reply View More Replies… #5
“If there is a face-sized hole in the center of the food bowl, the bowl is effectively empty.”
dartmanx , Marco Giuseppe Report
346points 
Zoey Rayne Zoey Rayne Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Buy a wider, shallower bowl or a plate and read about whisker fatigue.
130 130points reply View More Replies… #6
“If you do anything to my poop box, I must immediately rechristen it.”
334points CAT /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ QUEEN CAT /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ QUEEN Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
only the peasents of my kingdom use poop boxes, us higher class cats use whats called “plants in a vase” mush more proper.
70 70points reply View More Replies… #7
“After sleeping, changing the sleep position will not be tolerated.”
meech7607 replied:
“My cat used to sleep in the valley that’s made by the blanket between your legs. One night I was in that twilight almost asleep phase and he was sleeping down there, and I didn’t realize it. I rolled over and catapulted him off of the bed.”
326points Zoey Rayne Zoey Rayne Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Sister’s cat: “Nighttime cuddles are a must.” *curls up against side of my sister’s leg* Sis: “It’s a hot summer night. Leave a few inches.” *Scoots over* Cat: *Follows and presses against leg* Sis: *Scoots over* Cat: *Follows and presses against leg* Sis: *reaches edge of bed, goes to other side* Cat: *repeats process*
132 132points reply View More Replies… #8
“You can touch but don’t touch.”
313points 
Karen Krause Karen Krause Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
One of my cats constantly shows his tummy when I’m petting him, but it’s a trap. You can touch me, nope, no touch!
100 100points reply View More Replies… #9
“I must be in every room you are. I will claw at the door and carpet if I am not allowed in.
Do not follow me around. I want my space.”
DOTHETHING_ replied:
“Cat must have the option of being in any room you are in. Will check stuff out then leave immediately. If you close the door then the cycle repeats.”
thecalmninja , Marjan Grabowski Report
290points 
OleMacharia OleMacharia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Personal bodyguard checking if everything is alright with you
61 61points reply #10
“Clean laundry will be considered as a bed.”
288points 
Esmeralda Esmeralda Esmeralda Esmeralda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
I love the fabrics!
41 41points reply #11
“Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out. Let her in. Let her out.”
BillohRly asked:
“Have you tried letting her out? And then let her in? And then letting her out and then letting her…”
277points 
Linda C Linda C Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Your cat is worried about your health, sitting is the new smoking. So they’re getting you to move
67 67points reply #12
“Are you beginning to fall asleep? Then I must run wide open from one end of the house to the other at least four times. The galloping sound will help you sleep.”
ZigguratofDoom , cottonbro studio Report
276points 
Powerful Katrinka Powerful Katrinka Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
I actually find the sound of my cats having their 3:00 am rodeo quite soothing. It means that all’s right with the world.
156 156points reply View More Replies… #13
“Going to the bathroom? Need to drink from the faucet. Walk past the bathroom? Need faucet water. Make eye contact? Need faucet water.”
254points 
YTK YTK Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
“Gary, that’s called an addiction.”
110 110points reply View More Replies… #14
“No placing of hands or feet outside of blankets.”
soitsmydayoff replied:
“To add onto this, no sudden movements underneath the blanket, or else it’s fair game.”
D_B_R , Adam Kuylenstierna Report
248points 
LuLuBelle LuLuBelle Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
I trained my cats when they were tiny kittens that attacking feet or hands in bed was strictly forbidden, and made a point of never ever using my hands or feet as toys for them to play with so they wouldn’t be confused.As a result I have 7 cats who do not attack my feet at night. It’s not hard to train your cats, and it’s important not to tolerate or encourage “cute” behavior in kittens that will be a problem when they’re adults.
10 10points reply View More Replies… #15
“Cats get the spot on the bed that they want, dogs may have the leftovers.”
LiterallyOuttoLunch , Tran Mau Tri Tam ✪ Report
230points Chia Chia Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
My Newfoundland used to lie on the couch and my kitty would curl up right on top of her. They would nap like that.
98 98points reply View More Replies… #16
“You may attempt to knit/sew, but I will be attacking the wool every five seconds. Extreme knitting.”
scribblefrog , Inge Wallumrød Report
222points 
ValdaDeDieu ValdaDeDieu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
The Knit Olympics Kittiad!
46 46points reply View More Replies… #17
“Any uncovered food will be licked.”
scribblefrog , cottonbro studio Report
221points 
Nay Wilson Nay Wilson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
My kittens very quickly learn that I’m blind in my right eye and will trick me into turning my head away from my plate by staring hard at something. When I turn to see what’s got their attention they snatch some food off the plate and run out the room to eat it
129 129points reply View More Replies… #18
“I am more important than Game of Thrones. To illustrate this point, I will frequently stand on the coffee table, directly in your line of sight to the television.”
spunkychickpea , halesiii Report
215points 
Adam Belaire Adam Belaire Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Chris Pratt was in GoT?
69 69points reply View More Replies… #19
“The 40kg dog must at all times display submissive behavior towards the cat unless he wishes nails in her b*tt.”
NeedsMoreBlood , GoGoSqueezers Report
213points Nosirrow Nosirrow Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
My cat joined us when we had three dogs. Once they stopped wanting to hunt her down, they sort of accepted kitty. She wanted to be the boss and failed. With a new dog, she was more patient bc he was young.
40 40points reply View More Replies… #20
“I want food right now but I will eat later.”
BloodAngel85 replied:
“For my male cat, it’s ‘I want food now, but I’ll only eat a small amount and come back expecting to be there 5 minutes later.’ Unfortunately, his 2 sisters are pigs when it comes to food, so he just meows at me for more.”
victoria-n , Janayara Machado Report
189points Hugh Cookson Hugh Cookson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) Report
Yup, 5am start for me, so put food down at 4.30 before heading off with 2 cats eagerly waiting and yowing. Get back at 3 to find less than a quarter eaten but expecting fresh …. spoiled little sods !! Love them both to pieces, 20 year old brother and sister, slowing down a bit but still active, long may that continue.
80 80points reply View More Replies… #21
“Christmas is for us.
Christmas trees are exclusively for us.”
189points Shark Lady Shark Lady Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
I don’t bother with a tree anymore, my older cat destroyed the last one!
45 45points reply View More Replies… #22
“If you do not maintain visual contact with cheese products at all times you agree to forfeit your right to finish eating said cheese products.”
purpleRN , Mónika Erdei Report
186points Nosirrow Nosirrow Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
My cat lived dairy except for white cheese, or quark. So I thought cheesecake was safe. No! Cats clearly didn’t get the memo about lactose intolerance.
53 53points reply View More Replies… #23
“Once your alarm goes off, it’s cuddle time. Oh, you want to go back to sleep? Then you’ll have to do so with 11 lbs of Bogart on your chest.”
TheWizard01 , Oleg Ivanov Report
181points ValdaDeDieu ValdaDeDieu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
That’s what the army calls a BOGEY.
27 27points reply #24
“If your lap is empty, it is fair game.”
scribblefrog , Sam Lion Report
181points Zoey Rayne Zoey Rayne Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
“If laptop is on lap it is still fair game.”
90 90points reply View More Replies… #25
“My face is itchy. Please scratch it without touching me.”
171points ValdaDeDieu ValdaDeDieu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
And don’t stop till I tell you to. Or there will be conssssssequences.
46 46points reply #26
“The fridge is a paradise. Don’t quite know why they like it in there either.”
livingblissfully , jackpumpkim Report
167points 
HelmGrass HelmGrass Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
…cause ppl put food in it.. DUH!
32 32points reply View More Replies… #27
“All showers must be supervised from in between the shower curtains. No exceptions. Sometimes even on top.”
165points Zoey Rayne Zoey Rayne Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
I’m glad my little cat just “loafs” and waits on the bathmat while I shower.
49 49points reply #28
“If they meow in the middle of the night, I must respond immediately (or else be hit in the face with their sharp claws).”
TeikaDunmora , Magda Ehlers Report
163points Hugh Cookson Hugh Cookson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Trust me, when you hear then sound of a cat in the early stages of throwing up on your bed in the middle of the night, regardless of how tired, drunk or inept you are, you will be shoving him/her off the bed in a nanosecond, followed by covering the pile of sick or hairball with toilet paper until the morning ; in my case, leaving it for my lovely Wife to clear up (before you condemn me, if I did it, it would be joined by my own vomit ; I clear the stuff up from the other end….)
101 101points reply View More Replies… #29
“You’re awake? Feed me. I don’t care if it’s 2 am, feed me.”
159points 
Jennifer Checki Jennifer Checki Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Cat smacks person in the face repeatedly, then, when person wakes up, cat: “oh you’re awake, too! What a coincidence. Feed me.”
74 74points reply View More Replies… #30
” All rugs are mine.”
pumpmar , cottonbro studio Report
159points HelmGrass HelmGrass Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
and all ppls
23 23points reply #31
“The water needs to be perfectly full and clean at all times, it can’t even be medium-full.”
158points CT CT Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
But the cat will still go and drink the stale old rainwater outside
90 90points reply View More Replies… #32
“All food is subject to taste testing.”
155points Nay Wilson Nay Wilson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
I once left a loaf of brioche bread on my counter, still wrapped in the plastic bag. When I went to get some an hour later the cats had gnawed through the bag to the bready goodness inside and eaten half the loaf
39 39points reply View More Replies… #33
“When you shut off all the lights to go to bed, that is ancient cat language for war. And therefore I will attack your legs as soon as the lights go off.”
150points 
Christina Feigner Christina Feigner Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
And then you will get kicked off the bed through the covers.
23 23points reply View More Replies… #34
“The toys I played with yesterday must be replaced with brand new, different toys today.”
WallyPlumstead , cottonbro studio Report
148points Rodney McKay Rodney McKay Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
So, cats are equivalent to four-year-old children.
48 48points reply View More Replies… #35
“Glass items go on the floor.”
DeLaNope , cottonbro studio Report
148points 
Thegoodboi Thegoodboi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
The sound is nice
30 30points reply View More Replies… #36
“Dogs do not touch cat toys, but cats can have free reign over dog toys.”
145points 
Dena Goodwin Dena Goodwin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine too!
52 52points reply #37
“Cat goes to the left of the laptop, blocking the vent.”
142points Thegoodboi Thegoodboi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
It’s nice and warm. Don’t care if it overheats 🙂
38 38points reply View More Replies… #38
“The spring on the bottom of the door is your new alarm clock.”
140points Dena Goodwin Dena Goodwin Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
OMG YES!! Not only an alarm but also a general annoyance tool.
44 44points reply View More Replies… #39
“We will climb up your curtains and ruin them.”
sugarydoring , whittlestwit Report
140points ValdaDeDieu ValdaDeDieu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago (edited) Report
All things vertical yield to the feline domesticus – sometimes with catastrophic results.
30 30points reply View More Replies… #40
“Any accessible bread products will be destroyed (not eaten, just shredded).”
BrutalHonestyBuffalo replied:
“My cats don’t destroy bread – but for whatever reason, if we leave a bread product unattended – you can be sure there will be one giant bite taken out of it. Plastic/paper and all.”
TeikaDunmora , Abeer Zaki Report
134points 
lonely miso lonely miso Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
MMMMM PLASTIC AND PAPER
30 30points reply View More Replies… #41
“Cats eat before dogs.”
LiterallyOuttoLunch , Krasimir Georgiev Report
130points ValdaDeDieu ValdaDeDieu Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
Dogs serve humans and so, clearly beneath cats – who believe humans were put on earth to serve them.
35 35points reply View More Replies… #42
“The picnic bench in the garden is my territory. If you are eating lunch out there, you must first appease me with tidbits.”
scribblefrog , ROMAN ODINTSOV Report
129points Steve Robert Steve Robert Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
But of course!
23 23points reply #43
“Any food placed before you belongs to me. What I do with that bite of food is my business. I’ll probably just sniff it for two seconds and leave it there. Your food sucks. It smells great, but it sucks.”
127points 
Xenon Xenon Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 4 months ago Report
My cat loves Doritos nacho cheese flavor.
28 28points reply View More Replies… #44
“I will stay off the left side of the counter as long as you let me sit next to the microwave and stare at the food.”
scribblefrog , Nick Karvounis Report
120points Nay Wilson Nay Wilson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
My cats like to sit on top of the microwave and hang over the door and watch as the food rotates
38 38points reply View More Replies… #45
“I must have the last corner or your vegemite toast. It is mine. Not yours. I will swipe it from your hand.”
119points Shark Lady Shark Lady Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
With mine it’s cheese.
25 25points reply View More Replies… #46
“I will hide behind the desk all day.”
97points 
Nykky Nykky Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 4 months ago Report
My desk has a little cubby underneath the main part that the cats have a rotating fascination about. Don’t know why.
16 16points reply View More Replies…