If you’re a person who dates men, what’s the first thing that catches your eye in a potential suitor? Is it how they can make you laugh without even trying, how they surprise you with coffee or flowers for no reason other than to make you smile, how they never fail to ask you about your day and actually listen to how you’re feeling, or how they have an extremely large and expensive collection of sneakers in their closet that no one is allowed to touch? Chances are, it’s not the latter.
But for some reason, men often have a warped sense of what others actually find attractive and impressive. From bragging about being a workaholic to boasting about their video game skills, women on Reddit have recently been sharing the things men think will impress them that tend to have the opposite effect. Below, we’ve gathered a list of these unappealing tendencies, so be sure to upvote the ones that make your roll your eyes as well.
Keep reading to also find an interview with dating coach Hayley Quinn to hear her thoughts on the topic, and then, if you’re interested in checking out a We article discussing things men have no reason to feel insecure about when dating, you can find that right here!
#1
The d**k pic. They expect us to be impressed, actually it just makes us run away and block.
ArsenalSpider , diego_cervo Report
Final score: 405points 
BobTDG BobTDG Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
No-one finds this attractive. I’m attracted to men and women and I don’t think it’s attractive either
160 160points reply View More Replies…
To gain some insight on this topic from an expert, we reached out to UK-based dating coach Hayley Quinn, who was kind enough to have a chat with us about why it’s so common for men to say the wrong thing when trying to impress women. “One of the most common dating questions men might have is, ‘How do I impress her?’,” Hayley told We. “Men often enter into the world of dating believing that women need to do certain things to make women like them: Whether that’s having a witty story to share, taking her on the perfect date, or driving a fast car.”
“We are all consumers, and often the stories we are told through the media about what romance is all about, don’t tally up with people’s experience of it in real life,” she explained. “Ironically, trying to impress often comes across as try hard and insecure. If a guy’s tried to impress you in a way that’s had the opposite effect (provided he hasn’t said anything that’s inappropriate or offensive), try to look past that initial faux pas to his intention, which is often to build a connection with you.”
#2
Please drop the “alpha male” shtick. It’s exhausting.
Ekotap89 , gstockstudio Report
Final score: 364points Vix Spiderthrust Vix Spiderthrust Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
And based on science so bad that the guy who published the paper has retracted his findings.
129 129points reply View More Replies… #3
Driving like a lunatic while you’re in the car, Yeah you are so hot when you could potentially kill us both…Not!!
kiwigal2022 , oneinchpunchphotos Report
Final score: 330points 
Tee with a Twist Tee with a Twist Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
You can let me out if you don’t care about your life!
85 85points reply View More Replies…
But we can’t completely blame men for accidentally saying the wrong things, because none of us are immune to it. “Trying too hard, in the wrong ways, to impress someone isn’t just something heterosexual men do,” Hayley says. “We can all be guilty of wanting someone to like us so much that we’re no longer authentic with them. If you’re a woman dating a man, be mindful of when you also might be going into ‘performance mode’. Are you spending too much time trying to show him why he should choose you, instead of experiencing the relationship and also working out if he’s good for you?”
#4
Gym selfies.
Any kind of macho posturing. I like secure men. Not ones who have to make a point of how “alpha” they are.
epicpillowcase , AlonsoDeLaTorr3 Report
Final score: 289points InvincibleRodent InvincibleRodent Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Additionally, referring to oneself as an “alpha”/”sigma”/any letter of the Greek alphabet.
130 130points reply View More Replies… #5
Being an “expert” on anything and everything, while simultaneously never admitting they don’t know something.
Just admit when you don’t know something! I won’t think less of you! Quite the contrary.
Ackbar_and_Grille , svitlanah Report
Final score: 288points 
Fluffy mommy panda Fluffy mommy panda Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
So many people women and men like this.
63 63points reply View More Replies… #6
Talking about their skills in bed. Those who are good at things don’t need to brag about them.
Final score: 284points 
Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
How did that saying go… barking dogs seldom bite
107 107points reply View More Replies…
When it comes to things men can do or say that might actually impress women, Hayley says, “Often the most impressive qualities are candor and authenticity. Rather than hiding behind overly elaborate gestures, or a chat up line you’ve been rehearsing, share your truth. If you can be open with someone it builds emotional intimacy with them.”
“Just be mindful to keep your conversations playful, and light, in the early stages of getting to know someone,” she added. “This signals to the woman you’re dating that you’re not that emotionally invested yet, until you get to know her better. By demonstrating to her that you also have high standards for the women you interact with, and that you haven’t chosen her yet, you do a lot to present yourself as a man who is self confident, and attractive.”
#7
Insulting other women as a way of ‘complimenting’ me.
Popsockmarbles , YuriArcursPeopleimages Report
Final score: 284points 
Kitti B. Kitti B. Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago (edited) Report
YES! It just shows how this man would act like behind a woman’s back or if they broke up
96 96points reply #8
Telling me how to do things I already know how to do.
Final score: 278points 
Hotdogking Hotdogking Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Oh god this just reminded me of one time this guy in my sister’s class tried to mansplain periods to her. Yes, you read that right. F*****g. PERIODS!! 😬😬
156 156points reply View More Replies… #9
Owning a surplus of weapons
goldenloxe , Somchai Kongkamsri Report
Final score: 228points 
Beautys solace Beautys solace Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
owning any weapons, they could be turned on you
123 123points reply View More Replies…
Finally, we asked Hayley if men should be given the benefit of the doubt when they say these unappealing things, or if they should be taken as red flags that women should steer clear of. “A lot of men might make a misguided comment or two in the early stages of dating. Provided he hasn’t leapt over your personal boundaries, I would be empathetic to a little bit of humble bragging, or trying too hard on a first date,” Hayley says. “As he relaxes more, he may become more confident with you.”
“However, do be careful of any behaviors that could be love bombing,” she warns. “Love bombing is when a potential date, or a guy you’ve only known for a short period of time, tries to sweep you off your feet with elaborate gestures and gifts. Whilst this might feel romantic, remember that he hasn’t actually had time to get to know who you really are, and these sweet gestures could be a facade for his desire to control you.”
If you’d like to learn more dating advice or reach out to Hayley for help in your own love-life, be sure to visit her website right here!
#10
Telling me any story where you slide in details about how some girl was flirting with you or otherwise wanted you “so bad”….
Old_Gymnast , FlamingoImages Report
Final score: 218points 
Szirra Szirra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
You can comfortably assume the other girl was just nice and said Hallo or doesn’t even know the guy exists.
80 80points reply #11
The size of their p***s, the size of their bank account, the size of their house … the size of basically friggin’ anything.
Snoo52682 , Ryutaro Tsukata Report
Final score: 214points Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Thanks BP for the banana for scale, much appreciated 🤎
189 189points reply View More Replies… #12
Trying to low key assert how wealthy they are. I went on a date with this guy one time who kept hinting at things he could afford and kept mentioning how lucky he was to have such a good salary. On top of that he didn’t ask me anything about myself. It just felt icky to be honest. I want to form a genuine connection dude.
cayenne4 , ADDICTIVE_STOCK Report
Final score: 213points 
scag$y scag$y Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
I’m just theorising so please don’t downvote me to hell. But I think young lads are embarrassed to discuss their feelings about the opposite sex, in case they get ridiculed. They see James Bond, Stormzy or David Beckham with all their designer clothes, fancy watches and supercars, and think that’s how to be attractive to women. So that’s how they approach dating. They keep getting rejected but can’t understand why. Eventually, they meet a girl who likes that stuff too, and they get married, become influencers and spend their shallow little lives wondering why nobody likes them.
124 124points reply View More Replies… #13
Big muscles. I think other men are often attracted to them though.
throwit_amita , s_kawee Report
Final score: 211points Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Big muscles and too small t-shirts look absolutely ridiculous, contrary to the expectations 🙃
121 121points reply View More Replies… #14
Talking about fights he had gotten in. I once went on a date with a guy who brought up fights he had gotten in in the past at least 5 separate times, I felt like I was on a date with a high schooler but he was mid-20s.
Artemistical , Image-Source Report
Final score: 191points 
Xottel Xottel Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
I once got into a fight as a teenager. After a serious brawl I suggested we call it a draw. My opponent just nodded their beak and swam back onto the pond.
97 97points reply View More Replies… #15
Doing something dangerous or reckless. You’re an adult! Please do not drive like a getaway driver or an F1 racer! I don’t want to die on the highway because you need to impress me with your driving skills! I’m not impressed – I’m terrified, angry, and (assuming I survive this) taking a Lyft home.
This goes for whatever other dumb s**t guys do that could result in loss of life or limb or catastrophic property damage.
Final score: 190points Hotdogking Hotdogking Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
In fairness, we don’t always do that stuff to impress women. At least in the case of me and my mates, we do stupid and dangerous stuff because we think, “Oh, this’ll be a laugh” or, more commonly, “hold me beer and watch this”. By the time the thught of, “this may cause us some great injury,” we’re already doing it. I could probably fill a “Why women live longer than men” list all by myself lol
75 75points reply View More Replies… #16
Trying to talk to you about something you’re knowledgeable in and they are not but they spew this surface level b******t as if it should be impressive. They’re explaining to you/mansplaining your area of expertise. They don’t ask you more because they want to know more, they often quiz you ” wow, you actually know something” or the compliments are backhanded or patronizing (like that’s impressive for A GIRL)
Completely different than trying to relate/convey your mutual like of a subject. You don’t have to be on the same level to talk about a subject, but it comes with a tone that respects your thoughts also and isn’t abkut showmanship.
TenaciousToffee , amazingmikael Report
Final score: 176points 
Jacqueline Pie Francis Jacqueline Pie Francis Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
This happens to me all the time. I can’t stand it.
39 39points reply View More Replies… #17
Any kind of uninvited intimate contact… like that time at the fitness park, I was throwing myself at the climbing wall on my 7th circuit, and out of nowhere, I felt hands on my a*s *helping* me over the wall and he actually had the balls to walk around the wall to offer to train me
denimuprising , Iakobchuk Report
Final score: 159points Magpie Magpie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
OMG that is a grope by any other name. Creepy, uninvited and patronizing.
110 110points reply View More Replies… #18
Talking about themselves 24/7. Anything and everything. For crying out loud, ask a question.
Final score: 151points Magpie Magpie Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
And *listen* to the answer, take it in, remember it and maybe even respond to what I actually said.
56 56points reply View More Replies… #19
B**ching about their Ex. Honey, No. You’re telling on yourself.
One-upping me. I sometimes do comedy and if they find out they tend to try to “tell me this one you can use on stage” and sweetheart your recycled Dad joke only gets a laugh when I’m telling my mates how sad you are.
alicesheadband , Prostock-studio Report
Final score: 143points 
Megan Curl Megan Curl Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
First comment, very funny – should have just stopped there.
36 36points reply View More Replies… #20
Massive compliments although you barely know each other, without any actions what so ever. Talk is cheap. I’m not sold.
Sleepy_Kiwi_ , gpointstudio Report
Final score: 140points 
Stacey Rae Stacey Rae Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Love bombing
65 65points reply View More Replies… #21
Revving their engine at a stop light.
Final score: 131points 
Susan Reid Smith Susan Reid Smith Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
That just tells me you waste fuel and don’t know how to drive.
58 58points reply View More Replies… #22
That they read a book or watched a movie written/directed by a woman – and liked it! – so now they are an expert on women’s issues. Substitute in any marginalized group and it’s just as cringey.
hockeylurker89 , nd3000 Report
Final score: 130points 
Groundcontroltomajortom Groundcontroltomajortom Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
At least this is misguided ignorance rather than full blown ignorance. They’re trying which is more than some!
47 47points reply View More Replies… #23
Body counts for how many women they’ve slept with.
Final score: 126points Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
And please don’t count female roaches just hanging around.
49 49points reply View More Replies… #24
If they want to explain my feelings to me, when I haven’t asked for it, then it’s over lol
Final score: 123points 
Donkey boi Donkey boi Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
My therapist tried to do his all the time! Glad I left him!
43 43points reply View More Replies… #25
Cars. I prefer the reliable beater that screams “I’m paid off!” and “he’s financially sound!” Anything flashy or expensive and I’m not looking twice… especially if it’s a big truck.
isanomad , Muhammad Lutfy Report
Final score: 117points censorshipsucks censorshipsucks Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Big truck = republican. If I were a woman I’d never date a guy with a pickup truck. I find them invariably patronising, patriarchal, and racist.
7 7points reply View More Replies… #26
Money. It’s really transparent and just unattractive to me in general when someone constantly talks about money.
anon , Karolina Grabowska Report
Final score: 112points 
James016 James016 Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
I don’t talk about money as I don’t have any to talk about
73 73points reply View More Replies… #27
I went on a first date with a university professor who brought out his positive end-of-term eval scores. Spent a good 15 or so minutes reading some of them to me and explaining that he got first or second highest in his dept. before asking me to rate him on his first date skills.
I was enjoying a good buzz and couldn’t help but find it amusing. We also got into how his dad never gave him validation growing up
Sad-Elephant-7003 , DegrooteStock Report
Final score: 104points Fembot Fembot Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
I love that last bit though 😉 there’s clearly a sense of humour in there
56 56points reply #28
Working all the time or staying up all night for projects. I like sleep and balance
Shshshannon , westend61 Report
Final score: 101points Megan Curl Megan Curl Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
This could be a red flag, or it could also be situational, but if it bothers you, moving on is the best choice.
44 44points reply View More Replies… #29
Talking about partying and girls. Like “look at all the girls I’ve gotten!” Nothing makes me lose interest faster.
Final score: 99points 
Pink Aesthetic Pink Aesthetic Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Basically he’s treating women like objects
32 32points reply View More Replies… #30
Not something specific, but I am not super impressed by general bragging – humble or otherwise. Being genuinely humble is much more impressive to me!
tinydancer1811 , SkloStudio Report
Final score: 92points 
Mickysixxx Mickysixxx Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Me neither, I never brag. Actually some of my friends say I’m the most humble person they know…………
64 64points reply View More Replies… #31
Shouting into the streets how much they’re into you. When I see it in movies now I shudder. Protip: they will shout into the streets that they hate you when you break up – and since they can’t regulate their emotions that is ~scary~.
Final score: 90points Szirra Szirra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Same for men who love bomb. They will hate bomb once it’s over.
48 48points reply View More Replies… #32
Locker room-type talk. I’ve been out with dudes that didn’t know how to talk to a woman. I’m sure this sort of convo would impress their dude-bro friends, but not a woman. This mostly happened when I was younger.
Final score: 87points David David Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Locker room talk seemed gross to me even when I was a teen boy in the HS locker room.
41 41points reply #33
Being “funny”. A natural sense of humor is very attractive but I’ve been on too many dates with guys who tried to awkwardly cram their tight five into casual conversation. You start to feel like a captive audience more than an active participate on the date and the non-stop riffing bulldozes any chance at a genuine connection.
KadieKnievel , amazingmikael Report
Final score: 83points Hotdogking Hotdogking Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Allow me to play the Devil’s advocate and say that they could be using it as a coping mechanism to calm their nerves. Don’t get me wrong that does sound really annoying, but don’t immediately assume their doing to impress you. Although, that kind of only applies to meeting them for the first time upon further inspection
58 58points reply View More Replies… #34
Bragging about how many followers they have on Instagram or how their friends are Instagram famous.
Final score: 81points Pink Aesthetic Pink Aesthetic Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Yeah like what’s the point?
28 28points reply #35
When they say they have no red flags. Stupid me
Final score: 76points 
V33333P V33333P Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
BUT I’M SUCH A NICE GUY HAHAHA
49 49points reply View More Replies… #36
Acting like sexual attraction to someone is somehow soooo flattering. Dude, please.
Final score: 75points 
Lama Lama Community Member • points posts comments upvotes 9 months ago Report
Yes, the whole ‘you should be honored I’m into you’ thing. Very tiresome.
52 52points reply #37
Calling themselves a feminist or a “good guy.” Texting that they just got back from the gym.
anon_mg3 , LightFieldStudios Report
Final score: 74points 
JoyfulZebra JoyfulZebra Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago (edited) Report
Just trying understand: is this person saying that guys can’t be feminist, or are they talking about guys who talk about how “feminist” they are while being sexist?
32 32points reply View More Replies… #38
Talking about their ‘very sophisticated’ wine/liquor/beer/food standards, or any monologue that paints them as the arbiter of good taste or worthwhile interests/hobbies. Also, treating other people’s otherwise wholesome interests as stupid or basic or something.
Final score: 70points 
François Bouzigues François Bouzigues Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Not seeing any contradiction here OP ?
24 24points reply View More Replies… #39
Their car, fancy clothes, trying to show off their “knowledge” and “intellect” by mansplaining things to me and giving unsolicited advice, being too “generous” or as I’d like to call it “flippant with money”… basically anything showboaty. I do not want to eat at a tapas restaurant which will cost us $70 each for potatoes and sardines and cocktails PRE-COVID. Like dude we work in the same industry I know approx how much you earn. Leasing that $55k car just tells me that you 1) live with your parents and 2) are not saving as much money as I am with those spending habits.
Clearly I had a guy in mind lol.
Final score: 63points 
Xanther Xanther Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
You can tell a lot about a person based on the Car, Phone, and Watch they have. Like, surprisingly a lot about them and their personality.
17 17points reply View More Replies… #40
Bragging about the other girls you’re dating and what you’re doing with them.
Final score: 63points Pink Aesthetic Pink Aesthetic Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
It’s such a red flag, treating women like they’re something you own
26 26points reply #41
Putting down other men, although I am encountering that a lot less as I get older.
Final score: 57points 
RafCo (he/him) RafCo (he/him) Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Probably because as the men you date get older, they find it hard to pick the other men up in the first place. The idea of it is already hurting my back.
33 33points reply View More Replies… #42
Virtue signaling – so transparent
rainbowfish399 , seventyfourimages Report
Final score: 53points Mickysixxx Mickysixxx Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
I don’t know what this is
27 27points reply View More Replies… #43
Acting entitled to admiration for having a home, a car, and a job.
Like, congrats? You are an adult. Having basic adult responsibilities does not make you “successful.”
Final score: 44points Paul K. Johnson Paul K. Johnson Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Being able to afford a home any more is kind of impressive.
63 63points reply View More Replies… #44
Talking really loud about how amazing you are.
Final score: 44points censorshipsucks censorshipsucks Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Er… I can think of a demographic which does this and it comprises about 150 million people.
8 8points reply View More Replies… #45
Providing a quasi highlights reel about their career.
Final score: 32points 
foryouwhynot IB foryouwhynot IB Community Member • points posts comments upvotes FollowUnfollow 9 months ago Report
Now, if it’s a first-date and you’re getting to know someone, the question about work will obviously come up…maybe they’re just over sharing?
12 12points reply
Note: this post originally had 48 images. It’s been shortened to the top 45 images based on user votes.