A proposal is a huge deal because it symbolizes couple’s commitment to one another. Some folks place a lot of importance on their engagement and even have an idea of how they want it to happen or when’s the right time for them.
The only problem is if their partner hesitates or takes too long to get down on one knee. That’s the exact predicament a woman found herself in because her boyfriend kept finding ways to delay proposing to her. In the end, she had to make a tough choice between staying with him and ending things.
More info: Reddit | Update
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The poster explained that she had been with her boyfriend for three years but fell out of love because he kept saying he would propose but still hadn’t made a move
Netizens advised the woman to tell her boyfriend about her feelings sooner rather than later so that he wouldn’t get hurt if he did end up proposing
The woman also shared that she didn’t want to move in with someone unless she was engaged to them, but her boyfriend convinced her to do so by saying he would definitely propose
The poster felt resentful of having broken her boundaries for her boyfriend while he still kept delaying the proposal
Eventually, the poster broke up with her hesitant partner before their anniversary
The problem with the woman’s situation is that her boyfriend convinced her to move in with him by saying that he would eventually propose. The OP then learned that he had bought a ring because he had asked her sister for advice. Eighteen months later, he still hadn’t got down on one knee, which ruined her excitement.
To understand this situation better, We reached out to Dr. Zoe Shaw. She is a writer, therapist, author, and speaker. She works with the Grit and Grace Project to guide people in need of support.
Dr. Zoe explained that “men drag their feet for a variety of reasons. So many women get caught up and distracted by wanting to understand why he is not proposing, which just allows them to wait longer.”
“If your man isn’t proposing, it’s because he doesn’t want to marry you, and the sooner you accept this, the better.” Dr. Zoe mentioned some of the common reasons for men delaying proposals. She said that “men don’t have the same biological clock, and they are not as concerned about getting married in a specific time frame as women.”
A few of the other reasons she mentioned included men not seeing their partner as “wife material.” Maybe if she already “acts like a wife, moves in, shares household tasks, and even co-mingles assets, there is less of a drive for him to marry.” Even financial security plays an important role in their decision.
Whatever the reason this man delayed the proposal, his girlfriend felt like she couldn’t possibly wait any longer. She had also broken her boundary of having a live-in relationship all because of her partner’s certainty that they’d get hitched. Unfortunately, his hesitation and empty promises just made her feel all the more resentful.
One of the most stark things netizens noticed about the situation was that the woman’s love for her boyfriend was starting to lessen. She not only felt annoyed about having to live in with him, but also that he didn’t want to move to the next step yet. She did confront him about it a few times, but he kept giving her excuses.
Dr. Zoe Shaw explained that “women want to get married for the legal, social, and emotional protection that marriage provides. It’s biologically wired in women to seek out someone who can provide and protect them during their childbearing years.”
“I think women need to honor this desire instead of second-guessing it or allowing society (or the men they are dating) to gaslight them into thinking that this is not a valid desire,” she said.
The OP did eventually decide that she didn’t want to keep waiting around for her partner to make up his mind. She ended things with him just as they were nearing their anniversary. The man felt blindsided by her decision and told her that he was actually planning to propose soon, but knowing his empty promises, she didn’t waver.
Dr. Zoe said that if a man is taking too long to propose, it’s important to “have a hard conversation with him, where you lovingly outline your long-term goals and assess whether you two are on the same page. Believe him if he says he isn’t ready or needs more time. Decide how much more time you’re willing to give the relationship.”
She also said: “I know it’s scary to end a relationship that is otherwise good. I know it feels easier to try to wait it out. Ultimately, if he intends to marry you, he won’t let you go that easily. If he never intended to marry you, he will let you go, and it’s a win/win, even though it hurts. You just saved yourself a bucketload of time.”
Although it might have been tough for the OP to end a 3-year-long relationship, hopefully, it leads to more happiness in the future. What do you think about her desire to get engaged and how it influenced her decision to breakup with her boyfriend? We’d love to know your thoughts.
People were divided about the poster’s decision; some felt she was being too rash, while others agreed that it was better she moved on with her life
