Leaving an abusive relationship is never as simple as just walking out the door. It can be terrifying and even dangerous, which is why it takes an incredible amount of courage. And it is also why so many people stay far longer than they should, even when they know deep down that it is time to go.
One woman recently went online to share her experience and ask for advice. After 10 years with an alcoholic, unemployed partner whose violent outbursts have made her feel unsafe in her own home, she has finally reached her breaking point. Now, she is planning a secret escape, but still feels guilty about doing it this way.
Read the full story below and let us know what you think.
RELATED:After years in a relationship with an alcoholic, violent partner, one woman has finally had enough
Now, she is planning a secret escape to get out for good
Leaving an abusive relationship is incredibly difficult and takes a great deal of courage
When many people hear that someone is in an abusive relationship, their first question is, “Why don’t they just leave?” On the surface, it seems like the logical solution. If you’re in a bad situation, get yourself out of it.
But in reality, it is much, much harder than that. Research suggests that it typically takes five to seven attempts before someone successfully leaves an abusive partner. That alone tells you everything you need to know about how difficult it truly is.
So what makes it so hard? According to the One Love Foundation, one of the biggest reasons is that society has a tendency to normalize unhealthy behavior. Sometimes, people simply don’t realize that what they are experiencing is abuse at all.
For example, if someone grew up in a household where fighting, screaming, or breaking things was a regular occurrence, those things can start to feel like a normal part of any relationship. And when that is all you have ever known, seeking help simply never crosses your mind.
Abuse can also destroy a person’s self-esteem over time, making it feel like there are no options and nowhere better to go. When someone has been made to feel worthless for long enough, the idea of starting over can feel utterly impossible.
This is especially true when the abuse leaves no visible marks. Verbal and emotional abuse are often dismissed or downplayed, both by those on the outside and by the person living through it, making it even harder to justify leaving, even to themselves.
Abusive relationships also tend to follow a cycle, pulling you back in like a tide no matter how hard you try to swim away. After a violent incident, the abuser will often apologize, show affection, and promise it will never happen again. That moment of kindness can make everything that came before feel less severe than it was, keeping people holding on far longer than they otherwise would.
And perhaps one of the most counterintuitive reasons of all is that leaving can actually be the most dangerous part of a violent relationship.
When an abuser feels like they are losing control, their behavior can escalate dramatically. Stalking, threats, and violence toward the person leaving or toward people they love are all very real risks. This is why people in these situations often have to plan their exits so carefully.
That is clearly what this woman had to do. She had to come up with an entire secret escape plan just to safely walk away from her own home. And yet, even after all of that, she still found herself feeling guilty for leaving a situation that had put her in danger.
The fact that she reached out online in such a vulnerable moment, looking for support and reassurance, is a reminder of how isolating these situations can be. Hopefully, everything goes well for her and she finds the peace she deserves.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or partner abuse, please reach out for help.
You are not alone, and support is available. If there is immediate danger, call local emergency services. If not, consider contacting a trusted domestic violence organization in your area.
In the US, The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free, confidential support around the clock.
In the UK, The National Domestic Abuse Helpline can provide confidential guidance and connect people with further help.
In the comments, the woman shared more details about how she has been handling the situation
Many readers offered thoughtful advice, warning that having a face-to-face conversation would probably be worse than simply leaving
Some also opened up about their own similar experiences
Newsletter Stay Tuned to Your Favorite Categories