Everyone wants to be there for their loved ones on the most important days of their life. Whether it’s your brother’s wedding day or the first time your sister gives birth, having support from the closest people in your life can be crucial. But when two monumental events in the family happen to fall during the same week, it might become impossible to attend them all.
One woman who recently became a mother reached out to Reddit for advice after she received some aggressive text messages from her sister-in-law who wasn’t happy that she missed her wedding. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
RELATED:This new mom had to miss her brother’s wedding to be with her wife and newborns in the hospital
But her sister-in-law decided that she should be financially responsible for the meals that went to waste
It’s typically poor etiquette to expect wedding guests to pay for their own meals
We all know that planning a wedding isn’t cheap. Unless you and your partner decide to get hitched at the courthouse and skip out on the huge celebration, you can expect to spend a pretty penny on the big day.
According to The Knot, couples in the United States spent an average of $33,000 on their weddings in 2024. And catering can be a significant chunk of that price tag, as the average cost for providing food for 50 guests is around $4,000.
The Knot reports that, typically, catering will cost $80 per wedding guest. And if the bride and groom want to host a huge celebration with 200 of their closest friends and family members, they should be prepared to spend a whopping $12,000 on dining.
It’s understandable for couples to want every morsel of food at their weddings to be devoured, to ensure that they didn’t waste any money on the event. But it’s not great etiquette to ask guests to pay for their own plates, except in a few specific circumstances.
Host Events notes on their site that the bride and groom might be able to get away with it if they ask respectfully. For example, they could designate on the wedding invitation that they would prefer guests pay for their own meals in lieu of buying a gift for the couple. If it will be a small wedding, it might also be appropriate to ask guests to bring potluck-style food instead of a present.
At the end of the day, though, it’s the happy couple’s responsibility to fund the event. And if someone happens to be unable to make it, they might have to eat the cost of their plate. Especially if they miss the event due to tragic and unexpected circumstances in their own life.
Parents with babies in the NICU need support and compassion from loved ones
We should always show our loved ones compassion, but this is particularly important when they have a child in the neonatal intensive care unit. Having an infant in the NICU can be incredibly painful for parents, so to find out more about this experience, we got in touch with Annelies Hopkins, Information and Support Manager at Bliss.
Bliss is the UK’s leading charity for babies born premature and sick and has plenty of information for parents whose baby is born needing neonatal care – as well as suggestions here for how friends and family can be helpful at what is a very difficult time for the parents.
“For many parents, spending time in neonatal care is unexpected, and it’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed, anxious, isolated and depressed,” Annelies told We. “It’s so important for families to know they’re not alone and support is available – whenever in their journey they might need it. The Bliss website has a wealth of information on supporting parents’ mental health – including specific information for Black and LGBTQIA+ families – as well as parent stories.”
What families really need from loved ones during this time is support. Bliss notes thatfriends and family members of parents whose little ones are in the NICU can offer help by preparing meals for the family and offering to run errands for them.
They might also be able to babysit, if the parents have older children or pets that need to be taken care of. And if family and friends haven’t been informed of what’s going on, they can help get the message out without putting that burden on the mother and father.
It’s crucial to respect the parents’ privacy, though. Don’t visit until you’ve been invited, and avoid asking too many questions that the parents might not be able to (or might not want to) answer. And it’s probably not appropriate to start demanding nearly $200 from them when they’re having the most stressful week of their life.
Many readers assured the new mother that she had done nothing wrong
However, some thought that the situation could have been handled more maturely by all involved
And a small minority thought that the mother was completely in the wrong
